An Encouraging Rant!

I like to think I’m a bit of an encourager.  And unfortunately, because I naturally look for ways to encourage people, I have noticed that there really isn't as much encouragement going around as there jolly well should be! 

Encouragement also seems to be a predominantly female trait.  Take one of my recent Facebook statuses as an example.  I shared my excitement that I’d finally finished the third edit of my book, which is a flipping big deal to me!  29 people liked that status - 28 women and 1 MAN (thanks Nick!)!  I have lots of male "friends" on Facebook, so do I assume they’re not good at encouraging, don’t realise how encouraging the “Like” function is or just don't care about me and my life? 

This is tongue-in-cheek, just in case you were wondering...

I came across a fantastic blog post a few weeks ago and its suggestion blew me away with its simplicity and power.  Rachel, aka Hands Free Mama, talks about the amazing change that came about in her kids and her relationship with them, by simply sharing her pleasure in what they did, rather than always analysing their performance and suggesting room for improvement (which I also find far too easy to do). So, instead of suggesting ways her daughter could perfect her swimming technique, she just said "I love to watch you swim", because it was true.  The response from her daughter was beautiful.  

I decided to try it out and was amazed by the results. I would add at this point that it needs to be genuine and sincere, not an attempt at manipulation!  Tempting though it is, I haven't yet said to my kids "I love watching you unload the dishwasher" or "I love watching you vacuuming" :-D  But I have said (among other things) "I love watching you guys chatting together and enjoying each other’s' company", coz it really does warm my heart to see that.  They beamed at that comment and harmonious sibling relations were enjoyed for the rest of the day!

Encouragement has to be genuine though!  But it's really not hard.  It might involve opening your eyes a bit more to what's going on around you, or intentionally taking the time to vocalise what you're feeling.

I could tell one friend that I love watching them take photos, coz not only are they great photos, but I'm fascinated by how they see the world.  I could tell another friend that I love to see how they welcome and care for people.  I could tell many friends that I love seeing how much passion they are pouring into projects that will bring freedom and change to the lives of people facing really dire situations.

There are an overwhelming number of negative and discouraging comments floating around in the world already.  We can see, hear and read them all the time.  Why not play a small part in bringing in a greater tide of encouragement today and in future todays?!

One piece of encouragement can make a huge difference in someone's life.  It could be the difference between them doing something or not, or how confidently or enthusiastically they go about doing it.  A little encouragement goes a long way, but it doesn’t last a lifetime though.  We need to do it more regularly, in all sorts of ways and about all sorts of things.  Why?  Because it’s so easy to get discouraged and end up thinking "why bother....?".  That can leave us feeling hurt or disillusioned, withdrawing from people and situations, and not giving out as much encouragement to others.

It's well understood amongst writers that we swing so easily (within the same 5 minute period sometimes) between thinking our work is brilliant and then complete rubbish, with very little middle ground!  I am plagued by regular doubts about what I'm doing:

"I'm deluding myself that I’m even a half-decent writer" OR

"I’m wasting my time coz I probably won’t get published and if I do then no one will like or buy my books anyway”

These insipid voices tell us that no one cares and what we’re doing is pointless, unimportant and unappreciated.  But, when we encourage one another, our voices drown out these crushing demoralising voices and people are released to do whatever it is they’re supposed to do.

Why am I so passionate about encouragement? It's not just coz I would like more of it, although naturally I would ;-)  Writing is a solitary business and it’s too easy for me to hear the discouraging thoughts/voices when I’m on my own.  I’ve learnt a lot about how to manage this issue recently - I’ll tell you more in a future post – which is why I’m able to write this post now without so much of a personal agenda (honest!).

I’m passionate about this issue, because I genuinely believe that if people were more encouraging and encouraged then we would all excel more at what we do.  It could make the world a better place in so many different ways…